my day

i didnt sleep all night…baca my conversation with him over and over again…hmmm…Bad…
hmmm… x tauk apa yg aku pikir..
just pelik he still wanna be with me thou he knows im not normal.. he even knew about it earlier… tapi he loves me as who i really am… while me…? salu nyusahkan Bad… πŸ˜”
nya sik marah bila aku kata aku hospitalised dengue sbb nya tauk aku sakit….? yes nya sik marah i know tapi aku sik sangka nya sbb nya dah tauk aku sakit… 😣

Bipolar Disorder

Dear Bad,

Aritok my first session the psychotherapist… and its confirmed that I have Bipolar Disorder. Session went well.. tapi yalah.. rasa cam.. tekejut..honestly mcm upset to know that I have that Bipolar Disorder. which means Manic… I think you know me.. mcm susah nak terima kenyataan.. hmmm tapi sikkan nak marah therapist..

Hmmm.. its kinda mix feelings bila u said kitak dah lamak tauk.. and all the while I thought I’m just saying yg kmk tok "gila" rupanya benar.. no wonder u insist me to go to see therapist… sbb ktk dah lamak tauk.. yes, i still remember when u said about bipolar disorder to me.. I thought I’m okay.. rupanya mmg org BD tok nang macam yaa.. extreme mood swing..ada episodenya bila masa aku down.. sighhh….

Hmmm.. when it mixed up with depression…it becomes worst.. so that was the peak of it sampei kmk disuruh jumpa therapist. sigh..

Thank you sbb willing to be with me even when u know that I have this problem. U know Bad, this is genetic.. something that difficult to heal.. org BP boleh bertindak ganas.. hmmm.. im not saying this sbb nak molah ktk terasa …tapi .. if u want to leave me kmk faham.. sikda org maok tinggal seumo idup ngn org gila.. its a huge challenge… tahap sabar yg paling tinggi rasanya diperlukan utk org cam kmk.. remind me.. remind.. remind.. remind.. coz most of the time I cant control myself… sigh…

Today… sebenarnya..hari yg molah kmk rasa sedih.. sedih coz im actually not normal like others.. its sad… and it makes me feel weak…

I have to learn more about myself.. how to deal with it..how to control it.. but i dunno until when owh…..

I’m terribly sorry sebab awak salu jadi mangsa amarah sy.. mangsa gila sy… in the meantime, im really sorry for all the things that ive done to u.. i know my sorry dah sikda harga bagi ktk.. and thank you.. thank you for being with me althou u know I have mental illness problem before i even know myself.. thank you sebb banyak bersabar dgn sy… thank you sebab still ada intention nak kawen ngan me…like u said… "kalau sayang sy takkan sakiti awak.." i really do sayang awak ..tapi with me mcm ni… and genetic some more.. sy boleh ada anak2 yg gila mcm sy.. or sy potential utk hurt my own children… sy susah nak di predict awak..

to be with me alone, yes sy yakin awak boleh handle..tapi awak mampu ke nak handle 2 family bile sy jadi tak normal..? I cant imagine…

again.. thank you so much sbb believe in me.. believe that i’ll be okay.. thank you for being with me even dah banyak benda buruk sy buat kat awak.. THANK YOU..

love,

Nurul

thefoodshow:

Rosemary and Lemon Chicken Thighs with Asparagus

persediaan untuk bakal suami.. waaahhhh…!!’😍😍 hahahahah gila dah aku follow food blogs dalam tumblr tok.😝😝

thefoodshow:

Rosemary and Lemon Chicken Thighs with Asparagus

persediaan untuk bakal suami.. waaahhhh…!!’😍😍 hahahahah gila dah aku follow food blogs dalam tumblr tok.😝😝

baru a couple of days..
tapi rindu sudah… 😌
sikhal lah.. sabarlah wahai hati..
dia tgh begumbira bersama bini dan anak2…
jangan dipikir2 dah..😌

gnite.

mok ceta pasal fashion. tp paksa tido awal. esok appointmnt at 8:30..! ihv to bethere awal..!

rindu awak.
cium cium
😘😘😘

do-not-touch-my-food:

Sticky Buns

how to make that sticky glaze…

do-not-touch-my-food:

Sticky Buns

how to make that sticky glaze…

tetiba teringat cameron di kala demam maok juak bejalan…
that was the best moment with him.. 😜✌️
i missed that.. and i missed him too… πŸ˜”
seems like he still hasnt text me today..
sikhal laa.. let him happy.. silly me.. 😌

so im finally here……
pa mok polah owh….?
invest kat mall…? hahaha buang duit aluuu.. sak jak perlu gi opis. hihihi 😝

fullcravings:

Nutella Microwave Mug Cake

senang gilaaa…!! i can try to bake this back in apartmnt kelak…! 😍😍

memula nangga cam… mulan dgn ahmad dhani ka tok…?? yeay..! they both kawen..!!
sekali nangga komen.. pft..!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ bencik perebut suamo org.. hahaha..! terasa siot…! ok ok fine..! fine..! aku sik rebut dah laa.. he ignores me anyway… puas…??! hehehe.. padahal org kakar pasal mulan owh..? silly me.. 😜

thefoodshow:

GINGER CHICKEN RECIPE

makan lagik…! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ bilaa laa aku nak try semua tok …! hahahah

thefoodshow:

GINGER CHICKEN RECIPE

makan lagik…! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ bilaa laa aku nak try semua tok …! hahahah